| People |
[Jul. 6th, 2008|01:28 am] |
I don't understand where I fall in the realm of people. I know internally I feel uncomfortable around the damn things. I still hold the image of myself as the shy kid who used to hide behind his mom when she tried to introduce him to people, but this is not the image I project to the outside world.
If anything I have the tendency to talk to much it seems. I can behave appropriately meeting people, I can make conversation in pretty much any group of people I find myself in, but it all feels superficial. I never really feel like I belong in a group. As much as I hate to say it (especially in a forum that is seen by a couple of my friends), I don't really have close friends. There are a couple, but not many. This is especially apparent at school. I have a couple decent friends in the fraternity, and in the percussion studio, and a couple of my friends from Wayne, but other than that, who I hang out with seems to switch on a yearly basis.
I want to feel such connection to people, but it never works. I either keep myself distant, or get bored, or drive the person away before it can happen. Perhaps I try too hard to fit in with whatever group of people I'm around at the time?
Further, how do I feel one way and project such a different external image? Pretty much everyone who has ever met me would agree I tend to be kind of awkward in person (much more than I am when I am on aim anyways). Do I then talk too much trying to cover it up? I seem almost utterly unphased when placed in an awkward situation. I note the awkwardness, but don't seem to care.
Whatever, I confuse myself. |
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| Song lyrics. Why not?! |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|03:36 am] |
Falling, I'm falling
Have you ever walked through a room
But it was more like the room passed around you
Like there was a leash around your neck that pulled you through
Have you ever been at someplace
Recognizing everybody's face
Until you realized that there was no one there you knew
Well I know
Some days, my soul's confined and out of mind
Sleep forever
Some days, I'm so outshined and out of time
Have you ever
Falling, I'm falling
Have you ever buried your face in your hands
Cause no one around you understands
Or has the slightest idea what it is that makes you be
Have you ever felt like there was more
Like someone else was keeping score
And what could make you whole was simply out of reach
Well I know
Someday I'll try again and not pretend
This time forever
Someday I'll get it straight but not today
Have you ever
Falling, I'm falling
Some days, my soul's confined and out of mind
Sleep forever
Some days, my darkest friend is me again
Have you ever
Someday I'll try again and not pretend
This time forever
Someday I'll get it straight but not today
Have you ever
When the truth walks away
Everybody stays
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay
So if you walk away
Who is gonna stay
Cause I'd like to think the world is a better place
When the truth walks away
Everybody stays
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay
So if you walk away
Who is gonna stay
Cause I'd like to make the world be a better place
When the truth walks away
Everybody stays
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay
So if you walk away
Who is gonna stay
Cause I'd like to think the world is a better place
I'd like to leave the world as a better place
I'd like to think the world |
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| history |
[Mar. 31st, 2008|07:39 am] |
History Repeats itself. You can't escape the past. Everything comes full circle.
I find myself trapped once again within a cycle I know so well, though this time I seem to have returned to an earlier point than usual. It is unarguable that the past has this tendency to come back to haunt you, but why?
I think that perhaps we are not trapped in some neverending cycle, but fall into it as a second (third/fourth/whatever) chance to do better than we have before. Perhaps the cycle isn't so much just a curse that we must fall upon in general, but a way to become better, smarter than we were before? I choose not to be limited by my past.
I may come up in similar situations with different faces, and different circumstances than before, but I must learn from it. I must analyze what I have done before and transcend it. Every time I am faced with a similar circumstance to before, I have the opportunity to not make the same mistakes. I must not handle myself as in the past.
My past has happened, it cannot be changed, but there is no need to let it become my future. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|02:16 am] |
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duffin it up...oh yeah |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|12:16 am] |
I can't help but feel sad as my desktop's hard drive is erased forever......
alas, it is my last idea to try and restore my keyboard's functionality. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 16th, 2006|01:23 am] |
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I am getting really excited about this internet business. New Jersey is the place to be if you're in on it. A few of my friends have shown me they're not the guys for this, which is too bad. Idk though. I'm going to succeed with this thing, there's no question of that. They can come with me or not, it's their choice, but whether they do won't change the fact I will succeed. |
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| Ebusiness |
[Apr. 21st, 2006|01:32 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | local h - bound for the floor (if napster will play it) | ] |
I now am running an internet distribution business...so to speak. Ask me if you want to hear about it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2006|07:45 pm] |
I scored a 60% on the "how fucking JERSEY are you?" Quizie! What about you?</b>
not bad for someone not born in jersey....also given I didn't start drinking til late in high school and never was on drugs... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|01:48 am] |
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I played my first paying gig today. yay! I played with the state college area municipal band, got 25 dollars, and also got to put in range and clear a timpani the first time yesterday at the reherasal. w00t |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|10:34 pm] |
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I just rocked the studio recital. Hell fucking yeah. |
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| Everquest |
[Feb. 19th, 2006|10:11 pm] |
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So I just canceled my everquest account tonight. I mean...I never play the game anymore, but it's been around on my computer being played now and then for so long that I'm sad to see it go. All the time I put into the character development and everything...I might play during the summer, but who knows? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|02:35 am] |
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96 on my first theory exam. who rocks? oh that's right, me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|07:46 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Rancid - Out of Control | ] |
Being "real" sick sucks. |
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| reading |
[Jan. 26th, 2006|12:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
The Godfather is possibly the best book I have ever read. |
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| this spring break..... |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|02:11 am] |
| [ | music |
| | no music, just Out Cold on Comedy Central | ] |
I'M GOING TO SPAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|12:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awe | ] |
You ever see one of those movies where you just don't know what to say because of how heavy it is?
Boondock Saints |
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| Fuck |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|07:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | coming off the X2 high | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mad Caddies - The Gentleman, Medium Unwell | ] |
***This is all based on me having heard the correct origins for the word fuck***
In this great country that we live in called the United States, it is in fact impossible to fuck someone. Think about it. From what I've heard, the origin of the word fuck is from when fuck was in fact an acronym. It was the abbreviation of "Fornication Under Consent of King". It makes sense to shorten it. But when used in the United States there is one small dilemma. We have no king. This all goes back to long ago in Britain when the king's permission was needed to do certain activities. Those laws no longer exist. That combined with our lack of a king make it thereby impossible to actually perform the act of fucking someone. That said, go screw freely everybody. =D |
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| Janine |
[Dec. 27th, 2005|12:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mad Caddies - Weird Beard | ] |
Yes. Janine and I finally got to hang out after months of attempting. It was cool and fun. Yes. Cool and fun and pillowrific! |
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| 10 points to whoever names the song, band, and cd it first was on |
[Dec. 24th, 2005|05:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Streetlight Manifesto - A Moment of Silence | ] |
She falls...
fast asleep,
in her Glasboror apartment,
dreaming of what she wants to be.
so she just organizes photographs,
taken in this year,
does nothing more,
adores her memories
does she miss any kiss
that I placed upon her lips?
does she have a photograph of me at all?
That day she walked away I turned my head
Didn't pay attention said
California is my final fall..... |
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| Why I love college. |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|07:06 pm] |
Sparkle2789: im goin to be one extremly pissed person if i have to get up tommorow morning
InsidiaeAeternus: lol
InsidiaeAeternus: me too.
InsidiaeAeternus: but I'll have to
InsidiaeAeternus: I hate waking up
Sparkle2789: really do u get up at 6
InsidiaeAeternus: nope
InsidiaeAeternus: I get up at 8:30 =P
Sparkle2789: oh im in second period already
Sparkle2789: it sucks |
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